I wish I only lived at night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
