Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
