but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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