So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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