If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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