sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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