i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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