peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
