just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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