My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
