broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
