Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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