sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
