I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
