So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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