Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
