Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
