I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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