how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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