and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
