farters have to be the big spoon...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
