I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
