So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
whose parrot is this?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
