keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
