I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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