Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
