PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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