ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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