I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
