I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if only i could text you this smell
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
