I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
