The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
