his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
