I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dicks are not precious.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
