i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
