This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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