i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
