Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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