I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
