Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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