He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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