Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
