your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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