Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
