Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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