I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
