The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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