If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
