I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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