New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
