Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
