If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
