I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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