Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
